Henny Penny Jenny?

2007-01-15T21:15:00.000-05:00

I have been hearing a lot more sermons from the Old Testament at a church where I go mainly for the fellowship. It's hard to get used to, since the churches I have gone to most of my life don't usually turn to II Chronicles on a weekly basis. Even though we know all Scripture is profitable, I've always been told that so much of it cannot be directly applied to our lives as new covenant believers. However, I sure do appreciate learning more about the actions and character of God....I take much comfort in seeing more of His infinite faithfulness to Himself and His purposes.
I had a rough week last week, and I prayed very specifically (and a bit desperately!) on Friday for God to speak to me through His word that night at church. The sermon was from II Kings 3. The preacher, a minister from North India, spoke through an interpreter, which more greatly simplified the message, but what God showed me of Himself profoundly comforted me. The basic gist of the message: Israel was going into battle against Moab, when they found themselves without water for the armies or the animals, and they could not continue. Elisha spoke from the Lord, telling them that the valley surrounding them would be filled with pools of water for them. Saying this was "a light thing in the sight of the Lord," He would then deliver the Moabites into their hands. The application was that we too may be in a valley of need, while seeking to go into the battle. We are not sure why God is not letting us go forth with what we need, after all, did He not call us to go forth into this battle to fight for His sake? But what God had purposed for the valley was to show that He is the source of even the most basic of needs. And now after demonstrating this to Israel, He would more greatly impress on them that He was the cause of their victory over Moab.
So my personal application was that I too feel that God has called me into the fight, perhaps joining the battle in India. My focus has been moving on, getting to the next thing, but to my frustration, in so many ways God has prevented that.... He has called me to wait, that He may show me what a "light thing" it will be for Him to meet every need that I have, and to line up every detail in place for the next step of my journey. This is a light thing for the Lord, but I must first know that it is from His hand, not anything of my own doing.
He has ordained each recent event of my life, and I have been praying that I would see His hand very clearly. Every detail is according to the good counsel of His will, even to show His glory, might and holiness over my own foolishness. I am so thankful that He cares so much that I do not live my life in ignorance of His greatness. What an awesome God.

2007-01-02T01:41:00.000-05:00

I have been recently reconciling my life with the concept of waiting on the Lord.
I was never one to think concretely about my future, and in the past have made most major decisions impulsively based on a gut feeling after a quick "lead me Lord!" My Sovereign Faithful has been true to Himself in leading me along in the way that only He can, causing my feet to fall exactly where they needed to be. But I never worried too much about which path they'd find or where I'd end up....the future was far too nebulous for me. I thought about what I'd like to be when I grew up, but I cannot remember EVER envisioning myself as a grown up or actually going to college, or working, or any of those adult things.....I thought a lot about boys, but never planned out my wedding like so many of my friends....too vague and honestly uninteresting. I can't remember thinking too much on my occupation or where to go to college - the options came up, they sounded good, I set my mind to it, and off I went without a second thought about it.
Somehow I've always had an appearance of confidence and determination... where did that come from? All I know is how to put one foot in front of the other. But the steps came easier in my two previous life changes - graduating from high school? Well of course I'll go to college and keep going until I finish and do it in four years flat....that's just what you DO. Then all the sudden I'm graduating from college....of course that's not a forever thing, so it's a very expected and inevitable turning point. So then, get a good job that I will hopefully enjoy, but use the wisdom gleaned from my college church family - find a church, then find a job! These decisions just made sense and came along practically in timing that was predictable. But what about now....?
One of my greatest fears when I moved into this phase of my life was waking up five years from then doing the same exact thing with my life (sounds silly, in all honesty, but I'm real serious). It's now the half-way mark, and I'm racing toward that fear head-on with no diversion in sight. There is no natural turning point or necessary change on the horizon anymore. There are many options out there, but at this point I don't NEED to pursue any of them. In addition, none of them seem overwhelmingly compelling, and I wonder what would be best....there are so many good things about my life right now, is there any need for change other than my own desire for another challenge?
So while I sort through these thoughts, the Lord has me wait. With this I have been reconciling myself before the Lord. I'm so glad that I realize I'm dependent on the sovereign God. I know that I have no fear in waiting while I have no pressing compulsion towards an obvious change. I pray for greater sensitivity to the Spirit's leading, and avoidance of the rash decisions that I have tended towards...I want to learn what it means to prayerfully consider all things, even the mundane things of my daily, hourly life.

2006-12-29T05:11:00.000-05:00

God's Way of Peace (an old book by Horatius Bonar) came up in a recent conversation with my brother. He had picked it up at a book sale at his school and begun to read it. Something he had read related well to our conversation, and he decided that, rather than finish reading it himself, it would be more profitable to pass it along to me. Now, I have a whole stack of books that I want to be reading (and indeed, I am reading many of them at the same time....yes, I'm one of THOSE). But because he gave it to me in this way, I promoted it to the top of my list (looking back, I realize that it was probably for his own benefit, to shorten his own stack). Anyway.

I'm really enjoying this book. I had never remembered hearing of him, but I just learned (through google, how else) that he wrote one of my favorite hymns. He speaks very kindly and gently to my soul, a definite pastor with fatherly qualities. But what precious, powerful truth he speaks, and so carefully!! This combination - gentleness + truth - pierces through the heart in a unique way. I can think of several believers in my life who speak in such a way. I come away from conversations with them edified, challenged, convicted, and with a sense of being full...such as that I don't really want to move for fear of spilling over some of what was poured into my soul. I long to emulate this in my own talk. I pray that as time goes on, I would learn to speak more carefully and intentionally, and that great love would encapsulate the words that do come from my mouth.

But that wasn't really the original point of what I was going to write. I was going to share what I've benefited from in chapter three - "God's Character, our Resting Place." This chapter has been very helpful to me right now as it has pointed me toward the source, the ground, the substance, the object of my faith....I'll leave these quotes:

"Let us study the character of God: holy, yet loving; the love not interfering with the holiness, nor the holiness with the love; absolutely sovereign, yet infinitely gracious--the sovereignty not limiting the grace, nor the grace relaxing the sovereignty; drawing the unwilling, yet not hindering the willing, if any such there be; quickening whom He will, yet having no pleasure in the death of the wicked; compelling some to come in, yet freely inviting all! Let us look at Him in the face of Jesus Christ; for He is the express image of His person, and he has seen Him has seen the Father. The knowledge of that gracious character, as interpreted by the cross of Christ, is the true remedy for our disquietudes."

"This God whom Christ reveals, as the God of righteous grace and gracious righteousness, is the God with whom we have to do. To know His character, as thus interpreted to us by Jesus and His cross, is to have peace. It is into this knowledge of the Father that the Holy Spirit leads the soul, whom He is conducting, by His almighty power, from darkness to light. For, everything that we know of God we owe to this divine teacher, this Interpreter. But never let the sinner imagine that he is more willing to learn than the Spirit is to teach. Never let him say to himself, I would know God, but I cannot of myself, and the Spirit will not teach me."

"The object of the Spirit's work is to make us acquainted with the true Jehovah; that in Him we may rest; not to promote in us certain feelings, the consciousness of which will make us think better of ourselves and give us confidence toward God. That which He shews us of ourselves is only evil; that which He shews us of God is only good. He does not enable us to feel or to believe in order that we may be comforted by our feeling or our faith. Even when working in us most powerfully, He turns our eye away from His own work in us, to fix it on God, and His love in Christ Jesus our Lord. The substance of the gospel is the name of the great Jehovah, unfolded in and by Jesus Christ; the character of Him in whom we 'live and move and have our being,' as the 'just God, and the Saviour' (Isa. 45:21), the Justifier of the ungodly."

2006-12-21T16:49:00.000-05:00

This is another attempt at something started on a rainy night this fall.....and now it just happens to be a snowy afternoon....I guess the weather has some sort of effect on my creative brain....I just got done putting together a photo collage for my parents for Christmas (no one really knows about this blog, so this will not ruin a great surprise at this point in time).

I love to write....but I don't normally write expecting that anyone other than myself will read it. I have enjoyed the times, however, when someone has appreciated and benefited from something that I put down in writing. I feel as though I communicate best in writing, although my articulation skills have become more proficient in the last few years....I'm not so afraid to open my mouth and start speaking without fully evaluating the particular order in which the words may spill forth. However, in my writing, something in me becomes more vulnerable....mostly because written words are permanent, not easily forgotten, more readily scrutinized and analyzed. And I am a visual person, so the written word always reaches far deeper than the spoken word in my own life.

I'd like to write somewhat regularly, mostly for my own spiritual discipline, that I might more fully process through what the Lord is teaching me. But since I probably won't tell anyone about this blog, I won't have any accountability except my own personal sense of failure.