I have been recently reconciling my life with the concept of waiting on the Lord.
I was never one to think concretely about my future, and in the past have made most major decisions impulsively based on a gut feeling after a quick "lead me Lord!" My Sovereign Faithful has been true to Himself in leading me along in the way that only He can, causing my feet to fall exactly where they needed to be. But I never worried too much about which path they'd find or where I'd end up....the future was far too nebulous for me. I thought about what I'd like to be when I grew up, but I cannot remember EVER envisioning myself as a grown up or actually going to college, or working, or any of those adult things.....I thought a lot about boys, but never planned out my wedding like so many of my friends....too vague and honestly uninteresting. I can't remember thinking too much on my occupation or where to go to college - the options came up, they sounded good, I set my mind to it, and off I went without a second thought about it.
Somehow I've always had an appearance of confidence and determination... where did that come from? All I know is how to put one foot in front of the other. But the steps came easier in my two previous life changes - graduating from high school? Well of course I'll go to college and keep going until I finish and do it in four years flat....that's just what you DO. Then all the sudden I'm graduating from college....of course that's not a forever thing, so it's a very expected and inevitable turning point. So then, get a good job that I will hopefully enjoy, but use the wisdom gleaned from my college church family - find a church, then find a job! These decisions just made sense and came along practically in timing that was predictable. But what about now....?
One of my greatest fears when I moved into this phase of my life was waking up five years from then doing the same exact thing with my life (sounds silly, in all honesty, but I'm real serious). It's now the half-way mark, and I'm racing toward that fear head-on with no diversion in sight. There is no natural turning point or necessary change on the horizon anymore. There are many options out there, but at this point I don't NEED to pursue any of them. In addition, none of them seem overwhelmingly compelling, and I wonder what would be best....there are so many good things about my life right now, is there any need for change other than my own desire for another challenge?
So while I sort through these thoughts, the Lord has me wait. With this I have been reconciling myself before the Lord. I'm so glad that I realize I'm dependent on the sovereign God. I know that I have no fear in waiting while I have no pressing compulsion towards an obvious change. I pray for greater sensitivity to the Spirit's leading, and avoidance of the rash decisions that I have tended towards...I want to learn what it means to prayerfully consider all things, even the mundane things of my daily, hourly life.